Dear 2020,

First and foremost, for all of those impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic, my heart goes out to you all.

This pandemic put such a hard stop on things. The sheer panic of it spreading throughout the world was terrifying because most of us didn’t really know what was going to happen.

I personally was freaking out. I saw people losing jobs, getting sick, suffering loses, and scrambling to pick the pieces up.

Never thought I’d be afraid to go into a grocery store.

I’m also deathly afraid of a zombie apocalypse.

What in the world happened, why is this happening? How would life be affected during this?

How would life be affected after?

This year has been trying and so strange. I don’t know if any of you watch “Black Mirror“ or the “Twilight Zone”, but, I never asked to be in an episode.

We are now into July and it’s not looking too good with the virus still here. The loss of life from this pandemic has been devastating and more and more people are testing positive each day.

Even with places “opening up”, there is still that heavy blanket that is over the world which is this pandemic. Not that life was smooth sailing before, lets throw a pandemic on top of it! What really is unfortunate, no matter what we tell ourselves, COVID-19 has moved in and is paying rent.

What a frightening thought.

So what now?

Honestly, these past few months have been a STRUGGLE for me. I was stuck in the house with nothing but my thoughts at times.

I realized how much I took for granted before all of this: “Oh I’ll do this thing new thing tomorrow,” or “now isn’t the right time to try this, or travel to that.” Man, do I regret that.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a lot to take in, and some people don’t want to face the fact that “normal” isn’t going to happen overnight. It’s something that we all have to work for and even then, what is normal?

Do I even want normal again? I wasn’t too fond of my normal. To be honest, I don’t even think it was a virus that made me think that, it was the tragic helicopter accident at the end of January that claimed the lives of nine people, including NBA legend, Kobe Bryant.

Life can be taken away just like that. That scared me and what scared me more is, I felt that this pandemic would not allow me to live my life to the “fullest”. How can I do that while being responsible?

How does someone live like “If today was your last day?”‘

That line has bothered me.

I stopped blogging and using this platform as an outlet. The desire to design and create was no longer there. Mental health took a backseat or was rather shoved in a hot trunk.

There has to be away to “live” during this time while still being safe and cautious.

Maybe I found it, who knows.

So what has inspired me to write again, revamp the reason I wanted to blog, and to put my thoughts on the internet?

Honestly, to explore.

2020 has presented a unique opportunity. An opportunity to change, to hit the reset button, evaluate, and especially for me, make long over due changes. I didn’t like my normal. I don’t like being normal, why I didn’t like my normal.

Okay you get it, maybe.

I realized I could explore and fill life with different hobbies and modify the hobbies I did Pre-COVID 19.

I could still do a lot of things , just will look slightly different. I wanted to create events or moments during the week, I looked forward to. And during this time, I’ve tried different things to look forward to.

Hiking AND stumbling across ruins, it was on accident at first, now it’s a hobby.

Writing/ Blogging, getting back to it!

I tried painting, I’m a horrible artists….

Of course, Exercising WAY more than I used to.

Even trying to make new friends…sort of.

Personally, think I had one the best 4th of July’s in my adult life. Spent on top a roof top watching the the city come together and put on firework displays. It was just so simple yet incredible.

I’m still very aware that this year has not been kind to many people and again, I am not oblivious to that.

I am a little grateful for a year like this because of a very important issue that has finally gotten the attention it desperately needed. It too has to be heavily addressed from now until it is eradicated.

Racism. This pandemic made a lot of us pause and see an issue that has been suffocating this world and mentality thinking about it still being an issue in 2020, is unbelievable.

2020

It has put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I’m going to work on not “waiting”. Starting with posting this new blog.

Sure I have like no readers, 2 followers on Instagram, and get writers block.

But this is something I enjoy.

Also, just enjoy the simple things. Talk to someone you haven’t spoken to in forever, try a new hobby, go hiking and enjoy the beauty this earth has to offer, listen to music, collect items, etc. I don’t know.

This life is wild, I can’t even describe it.

Alright letting the creative wheels turn.

Racism is a current public health crisis.

Don’t be silent, speak up, lend a hand, and listen.

Lastly, wear a mask and be safe everyone!

-Rachel

Photo by Joe Hu on Unsplash